i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
