i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
