my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
