Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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