I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
