bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
