I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
