Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
