I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
