he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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