I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
