never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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