Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
