He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
