Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
