Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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