Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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