I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He better not be in your backpack
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
