So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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