if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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