you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
