I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
