I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i drank out of a bidet.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize