Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
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Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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