After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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