Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
