i don't like sucking hair
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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