her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
