You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
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Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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