How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
