"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
