have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
