Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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