life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
