he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
