I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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