Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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