Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
