i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
