Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
