i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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