all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
