Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
