I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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