We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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