who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
