remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
