Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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