oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
