i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
