So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
