What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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