"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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