A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
