At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
