My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
