so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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