names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dicks are not precious.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
