yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
