every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize