She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
