So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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