this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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