I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
