I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
