Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
