You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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