My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
