drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have fence marks all over my body
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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